Loss for words…

“Trust him not with your secrets, who, when left alone in your room, turns over your papers.”

–   Johann Kaspar Lavater

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

–   Martin Luther King, Jr.

*

Loss for words

As a small girl

I had a passionate

Love affair

With paper

And pencils

But most of all

With words

Every chance I had

I would finger the smooth

Crisp pages

I marveled as the

Pencil raced, danced, glided

Or stomped

Across the sheet

All of the things

That couldn’t

Be said

Would magically appear

Wanting to be heard

Testimony in the court

Of childhood

Aching to bear witness

To all violations

Of one small girl

But

The judge and jury

Routinely

Purged this small girls room

For any trace

Of incriminating evidence

Verdicts handed down

Fast, furious and ever so harsh

Must make an example

Cease and desist

 Trying to hide my words

Lifting the blue and tan

Checked tile cover

Of the fireplace ash bin

Never used –

Maybe it would be safe

Would guard my secrets

Would reveal dark truths

After I was gone

Censorship ran rampant

And the stakes escalated

Until the words

Turned mute

Just prior to turning forty

A crack – nearly indistinguishable

In the wall

Between me and my words

The decades of mounting pressure

And erosion from neglect

An increasing force

That would be

Reckoned with – at times

The words would be shelved

After all they

Weren’t important

Only childish ramblings

That must be silenced

The little girl survived

And my words

Illuminate

This  journey

Deal

With

It!

*

Bisous,

Léa

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About Léa

A wanderer who has found home and herself in the South of France.
This entry was posted in Childhood, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Loss for words…

  1. cjm76 says:

    Fierce! xoxo

  2. Oh Lea this is a superb poem and I am sure many others could be helped hy reading your exoerience. Such a pouring out of words needing and deserving to be spoken. You are a star, and Im so pleased those horrible negative experiences did not cause the words to remain mute. You have allowed yourself the freedom to let them flow firecely like a wild waterfall and it feels to me like this is just the beginning. Well done for all the courage it takes to set these words free. Love you my friend ( sorry if Ive gone a bit soppy but thats who I am 😊)

    Love
    xxx

    • leamuse says:

      Christine, you are so kind and your continuing support means more than I can say. The words were mute for decades but as you know, the damn has burst and I am armed with my poison pen that tells it as it was. While I can still tap into it, it is basically for those who send me little emails of their own issues. There are always others out there that are surviving but haven’t yet broken through.
      Don’t ever apologise for who you are as you are a treasure and I delight in you!

      Love

      xxx

  3. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words says:

    I enjoyed the quotes especially the first one
    and your poem flowed with the power of someone who has found her voice
    and one to be reckoned with at that…
    your thoughts are so important…never should what anyone thinks be silenced
    Thank you for sharing such a beautiful part of you….
    Take Care…You Matter…
    )0(
    maryrose

  4. Lea I am thankful the words won and you did not remain mute, what a sad world it would be if all the creatives stopped playing with words. Love this poem, you are a master wordsmith my friend.

    • leamuse says:

      Kath, you have made my day! Yes, it is sad when so many give up often even before beginning having been told so often, “you can’t” whatever it might be. Having a lifetime of that, I get so excited about reading your posts about your family! It is such a different world. Yet, in moving to France, I observe more of what you describe and it is beautiful!

  5. johncoyote says:

    I like the quotes and the poem. I wish we taught kids to write, use their imagination and dream. Kids need to be unlocked and free. The story in the poem left me with questions. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.

    • leamuse says:

      John, thank you for stopping by my poetry blog. I agree totally that children should have the freedom to write. Unfortunately, they do not always have the ability to do so safely. I know that I did not. I was one of the fortunate ones as I have found my voice. If the questions are for me, perhaps I can help?

      • johncoyote says:

        Just I didn’t know some places had restriction. I was station in Germany and a kind German girlfriend starting me writing story and poetry into journal in 1977. I thought Europe was open and free. The great writers came from Europe. Dryden would be disappointed if he know the words are not flowing freely.

      • leamuse says:

        Ah but for me, it was in California that I was silenced for far too long. It happens everywhere.

      • johncoyote says:

        USA. I wondered. You answered the question. I loved Europe.I roamed the Youth Hostels and They taught me to love Leonard Cohen music and writing.

      • leamuse says:

        I’ve always enjoyed the hostels as I met wonderful people and I don’t travel to sit in a hotel. Years ago I met someone in Carcassonne who introduced me to Couchsurfing and I was hooked. I’ve had visitors from numerous Countries and having a ball. If you are interested, they can be found easily online.

  6. beckarooney says:

    Wow Lea! This is amazingly powerful stuff, it feels like it came from the fire in your heart. I love the last lines “Deal with it!” just brilliant! 😀 x

    • leamuse says:

      Becka, thank you so much. I do appreciate your support. Yes, it comes from deep within as does most of my work. I like the following quote from Ernest Hemingway, “Writing is easy. You sit at the typewriter and bleed.”
      🙂 x

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