bond-less day

“Parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder.” – Jim Morrison

*

bond-less day

no, they say

you never miss

what you never had

yet I kept searching

for that bond

turning each stone

attachment of infancy

maternal bonding

it is celebrated

every year

and every year

I busy myself

to focus on

what I have that

is mine

despite familial rejection

the years of abuse

the violence

children she never

wanted – a choice

that was not mine

if you had that

magical bond

assuming we all did

i’m happy for you

but don’t assume

this is universal

i’ve worked with others

who lived in dread

of the pretense

who asked ourselves

over and over

why wasn’t I

acceptable

being who I

was, childish

attempts to change

your mind, your heart

changing who i was

trying to be good enough

finally accepting

without a conscience

there is nothing

you have to give

never to look into

my eyes

we were both

victims – who chose

different paths

no terms of endearment

no kisses, no gentle touch

i’ve learned to glue

pieces together

scarring is deep

but now i am free

i’ve built a life

where acceptance

is my cocoon

emerging i 

take wing and fly

*

bisous,

léa

Author: Léa

A wanderer who has found home and herself in the South of France.

28 thoughts on “bond-less day”

  1. Mmm. Can relate. Although it’s a bit more complex/ love/ hate/ disappointment/ forgiveness in my case… Not easy but not a day I really celebrate.

    1. Perhaps you can understand why I still pinch myself that it is so real after nearly eight years here… Thank you.

    1. There are many of us out there who share a similar story. One day I hope that all of us can celebrate the fact we survived! xxx

      1. I don’t mean that I ‘like’ that it’s part of many people’s reality, just like that you’ve confirmed what your poems says so emphatically :/

      2. No, I do understand. Sometimes the ‘like’ button just doesn’t work with the feeling. Thank you Polly! 🙂

  2. i’m glad that you managed to free yourself from the past and learned to fly… i had a difficult childhood as well…often felt like not being wanted – like not being accepted for who i am… it’s a tough start into life..

  3. Very powerful Lea and I hear your silent screams and I know there are many who can relate to this. I hope you are healing and it is good to remind us that not all humans were cut out to be a mother.

    1. I just wish more would realise and speak up! In America, teachers, doctors and childcare providers as well as many others are mandated by law to report but you would be amazed at how few do. Nobody wants to get involved…That is where the screaming comes from.

  4. ❤ you did touch my heart – here, now and beyond… there's "stuff" we can forget and forgive, but some of "it" – never and as a darwinist-cartesian, I'm totally with you, dear Léa… courage, strength, serenity… bises amicales de Minorque et à+! 😉

    1. Once I wrote about the past to help myself figure it all out. Now, I write for those who still cannot. Merci beaucoup!

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