The Repossession of America

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”  – Albert Einstein

“Humour is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.”  – Mary Hirsch

 

While I do realize that the following is a bit out-dated and perhaps Britain has issues of its own at the present… Yet I couldn’t resist pulling this letter out of the files, dusting it off and sharing it. My chapeau is off to John Cleese for the medicine (laughter) he dispenses when we need it most, like now! 

Today, 14 July is Fête Nationale du 14 juillet (France). Outside of France, this is frequently referred to as Bastile Day. It is not Bastile day but it does mark the turning point of the French Revolution in 1789. The champagne and the wine will flow, music, and so much more. I’ve no doubt that each and every village will create a way to celebrate safely in this time of Covid-19. 

 

Britain is Repossessing the U.S.A.

A message from John Cleese  (British comedian)

To:  The  citizens of the United States of America:

 

In view of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign  Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown (now Boris Johnson), will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced  with immediate effect:

You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English  Dictionary.

  1. Then look up aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide.  You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
  2. The letter ‘U’  will be reinstated in words such as ‘favour’ and ‘neighbour.’  Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix  -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels  (look up ‘vocabulary’).

  1. Using the same 27 words interspersed with filler noises such as  ‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English.  We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.  The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of -ize.  You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save the Queen.

  1. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
  2. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.  The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults.  If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

  1. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.  A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
  2. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and this is for your own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

Holden Monaros are also approved.

  1. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect.  At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humor.
  2. The Former USA  will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) – roughly $6/US gallon.  Get used to it.
  3. You will learn to make real chips.  Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.  Real chips are thick-cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
  4. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.  Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.  They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
  5. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.  Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
  6. You will cease playing American football.  There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer.  Those of you brave enough will, in time,  be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).  Don’t try Rugby –  the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you like they regularly thrash us.
  7. Further, you will stop playing baseball.  It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of  America.  Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.  You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
  8. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
  9. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s  Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due  (backdated to  1776).
  10. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high-quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

God save the Queen.

John  Cleese

Thank you John Cleese for offering the only remedy currently available for what ails millions of people (Laughter is still the best medicine.)

Bisous,

Léa

Danny the Dog Changes the Course of History #4th-of-July🗽#SecondCivilWarLetters #humor

Great Barb, next time let’s take off the gloves! Seriously excellent and I hope you will pop by here on July 14th and hopefully have a laugh.

Barb Taub

[NOTE from Barb: With this year’s Fourth of July approaching, I know I’m not the only one conflicted about the holiday. Like so many others, I’m facing the reality of how far we still have to go just to approach being the country so many of us already thought we were. But I’m also in awe of the Americans who took to the streets to protest the ways our country has fallen so short of our self-image. At the same time the protesters are affirming their belief that we could and should and need to become that country, with “liberty and justice for all” and not just for all who have the right skin color, gender, and religion. So I’m wishing my readers more than fireworks and a barbeque this year. I wish you the country we were always supposed to be. That really would be a Fourth of…

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Red’s own story

“And whenever I’m in a situation where I’m wearing the same as 600 other people and doing the same thing as 600 other people, looking back, I always found ways to make myself different, whether it be having a red lining inside of my jacket, having red shoes, it hasn’t changed.”
– Jeremy Irons

“When in doubt wear RED.”
– Bill Blass

 

Red’s Own Story

 

She is the thick

Slick enamel

That covers my nails

A pointer when tracing

Concentric circles

On bare flesh

She is the sports car

Darting along the highway

Hugging the curves

Turning an eye

She is the ripe

Succulent strawberry

Her flesh firm

Yet yielding

Tantalizing dipped in dark chocolate

Suits her best

She is the

American beauty

Long stemmed, heady fragrance

Her tight buds unfurl

Exposing her inner delicacy

We forget the thorns

She is the creamy dark war paint

On my lips

A signature

When and where

I choose to leave my mark

She is fire

On the move

Churning inside

Rising up

Beckoning me on

She is

Passion

 

Bisous,

Léa

Bisterne Scarecrow Festival Trail 2018

Too good, too much fun to resist reblogging this post!

derrickjknight

CLICK ON ANY IMAGE TO ENLARGE. REPEAT IF REQUIRED

This afternoon Jackie and I followed:

Pokestop carries a Pokemon.

I just squeezed The Bisterne Royals into one frame.

Worzel is in trouble with Aunt Sally required a couple of shots, one from across the road.

We surmised he had been on the tiles with his next door neighbour who was Half Cut.

Head over Heels about Scarecrows also required a vantage point on the opposite side of the road.

Intergalactic Beastie Boys were suitably attired.

Rusty Diesel Engine is a reincarnation of other trains in previous years.

As happy as a Pig was made from a hay bale.

The stretch of Oh Look, there’s a Dragon required two frames,

and its recently hatched baby warranted her own.

Scary Crows lurked beside each other in the trees.

Baked Beans on Coast has to win any pun competition,

and the tins in…

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The Owl, The Pussycat… Fabulous Felines in History #2

Our human, Léa, has this and one other blog on her own. Since she is merely the typist on our blog and rarely mentioned by name, we decided to let her reblog today’s post. Colette et Simone

Les deux divas: ma vie en rose

The Owl, the Pussycat and the feline behind the scenes…

Oh yes, there was also the fabulous man who wrote of my adventures. His name was Edward Lear. He was devoted to me and to other felines who came to know him. In addition to my long luxurious fur, I am world class at the art of cuddling and along with the other felines entrusted to his care, we are equally devoted to him.

Lear was born the twentieth child of a London stock broker and his wife. In his late teens he left the family home with his eldest sister and began providing for himself with his skills as an illustrator. He continued to draw and paint throughout his life.

This prolific writer and artist (animals and landscapes) was compared to the work of the great Jean-Jacques Audubon. In addition to his writing and drawing, he gave drawing lessons. It…

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Scattering

“In one of those stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night. And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend…I shall not leave you.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

“Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.”
– W. Clement Stone

“Here is my secret. It’s quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Scattering

Every new

Moon

I curl up

In my

Curvaceous

Crescent

Encircled

By each

Starry night

Celestial dreams

Await me

There is no man

Here

I control

The ebb

And flow

Of the

Seas

I watch

Over your

Attempts

To comprehend

Me

To encapsulate

Into ode

Or song

It is difficult

When you

Haven’t

The language

Of the

Universe

Bemused

My laughter

Scatters

Stardust

Bisous,

Léa

for the record

“All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.”
– Mae West

for the record

she keeps her

book

near the bed

neatly listing lovers

she has known

they wonder

does she grade

on the curve?

 –

Bious,

Léa

blocked

A friend is visiting and much to see and do I hope to incorporate into future posts… meanwhile, I hope you will enjoy some older posts.

blocked

“Ideas may drift into other minds, but they do not drift my way.
I have to go and fetch them. I know no work manual or mental to equal the
appalling heart-breaking anguish of fetching an idea from nowhere.”

– A. A. Milne

blocked

will tortured lines appear
stuttering fingers tremble across
the keyboard
an exercise in hit and miss
the empty mind hopes
perhaps the laws of probability
would be kind
smiling in verse

fingers shudder, spasm and freeze
from a distance, grey matter bounces
thought and metaphor
till they coagulate
in cerebral jelly
synapse arrested
white pages glare
laughingly at me

Bisous,

Léa

If you just smile…

                               “You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.”                                                     – Sir Charles (Charlie) Chaplin

 –

If you just smile

 

If you know him

At all – through old

Black and white

Silent screen film

You may know he was rich

Knighted by the Queen

 

But it wasn’t always so

He made other people

Laugh – his gift

The bootstrap to pull

Himself from poverty

From deep insanity

 

Learning to read others

A vital defense mechanism

Served him well

Distract, divert attention

He mastered it all

Survival of the keenest

 

Reaching deep inside

His darkness – producing

A smile, then another

They became easier

They were natural

From deep inside his pain

Rescuing others from theirs

 

All the while, he smiled

Made others smile, laughing

Till they thought they would burst

Slapstick – a special gift

Self-taught, an avid reader

The common man related

Core smiles don’t lie

 

Eyes that twinkle and 

Tell his secrets – little tramp

 

 

Bisous,  

 

Léa

Untitled

Writing is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” – E.L. Doctorow

I get intrigued by a first line and I write to find out why it means something to me. You make discoveries just the way the reader does, so you’re simultaneously the writer and the reader.”                     – E.L. Doctorow

*

Untitled

No

it isn’t like that

not at all

I never set out

to create an

unwanted, unloved

poem

one that would

not be named

it just doesn’t work

that way

I don’t write

a title

for a poem

that grows out

from that name

but let a series

of words take me

on the journey

they have in mind

when they are ready

the words have voice

will tell me who

they are

where they are

leading me

I remain

their humble

servant

*

Bisous,

Léa