As this journey continues, I do hope that some of the quotes offered will resonate and perhaps one or two, inspire you to look at things differently or to explore the thoughts behind them. As before, if anyone chooses to respond to the featured quote, it would be my privilege to reblog it.
————————————————————–
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” – Leo Tolstoy
“Fake people have an image to maintain. Real people just don’t care.” – Author unknown
“We never lose friends. We simply learn who the real ones are.” – Author unknown
“False friendship, like the ivy, decays and ruins the walls it embraces; but true friendship gives new life and animation to the object it supports.” – Richard Burton
*
Once burned…
You flash a grin
My way
I feel my spine
Relax
Slipping farther
From caution I
Slide under your spell
Memory dishes up
In your favor
I feel confidence
Abandon me
As you close in
That split second
Your head turns
Calculating your options
Gratefully my senses return
Your attentions return
In a flash
–
Yet a veil has fallen
Your strengths fade to frailties
Sliding irretrievably from
Possibility
The seas are rich
I am patient
And deep
Your shallow waters
Cannot sustain me
*
Bisous,
Léa
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” – Kurt Vonnegut
“Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate.” – Albert Schweitzer
“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi
“Kindness is contagious, spread it around.” – moi (Léa)
*
stay soft
–
stay soft
be a sieve
to bitterness
let it run off you
like water
on glass
–
stay soft
turn away
from the pain
that hardens
a mind so swayed
reach out to
hold a kitten
hear its mews
as a call to peace
–
stay soft
tread your footsteps
gently on the earth
les oiseaux
sing eternal truths
listen, listen, listen
you can still learn
open yourself, let love in
whistling in the wind
secrets softly whisper
stay soft
stay soft
stay soft
–
bisous,
lea
Originally posted on 20 November 2015 in response to the Paris attacks and in light of the recent verbal assault of Donald Trump in a Country where more than 300,000 die in gun related deaths each year I have chosen to reblog this post. France is proud to be a safe country where the purchasing and owning of guns is strictly controlled. We are also proud that our children can go to school without the fear of dying.
“When adults tell me, ‘I have the right to own a gun,’ all I can hear is, ‘My right to own a gun outweighs your student’s right to live.’ All I hear is mine, mine mine, mine.” – Emma Gonzales Survivor Parkland Shooting
“Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. I do not add ‘within the law’ because law is often but the tyrant’s will and always so when it violates the rights of individuals.” – Thomas Jefferson
“Virtue has a veil, vice a mask.” – Victor Hugo
“I say I am stronger than fear.” – Malala Yousafzai
–
fear is not an option
le journal
the internet
telematin
France 24
the word floods
all forms of media
as the body count
rises in Paris
islamic states of hate
(i refuse to capitalize hatred)
declared war on France
–
i set down the paper
address my laptop
john lennon’s haunting strains
filling my head
nous ne nous rendrons pas
our media is not stuck in
shock and awe mode
nous sommes unis
on with life
Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité
–
unlike terrorist
skulking about the city
hiding behind masks,
headcoverings, disguises
nous ne nous cachons pas
we take to the streets
le café
le theatré
all life is calling
VIVA LA PARIS
et
VIVA LA FRANCE
bisous,
léa
“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” – Kurt Vonnegut
*
stay soft
–
stay soft
be a sieve
to bitterness
let it run off you
like water
on glass
–
stay soft
turn away
from the pains
that harden
a mind so swayed
reach out to
hold a kitten
hear its mews
as a call to peace
–
stay soft
tread your footsteps
gently on the earth
les oiseaux
sing eternal truths
listen, listen, listen
you can still learn
open yourself, let love in
whistling in the wind
secrets softly whisper
–
bisous,
lea
“Love isn’t something you find. Love is something that finds you.” – Loretta Young
“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.” – H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” – Audrey Hepburn
–
When I left my ex-husband, I took my children and moved away from a very toxic family of origin. For the fir!st time in my life, I had some support. A young man who taught a class the previous summer provided a link that had been missing all my life. (Yes, Michael, it has been 26 years this Friday.) Michael and his partner, Cliff, became the ‘brothers’ that I had wished for as a child. Michael had lived in Sacramento before and since his ex was moving there with Michael’s son he was going to be there for him. They kept telling me I had to take the children and go there as well. Michael and Cliff were the first openly gay people I had ever met. I remember early on when I first saw Cliff plant a little kiss on Michael’s lips. It was brief but sweet. I remember thinking to myself how beautiful to see two people in love. Yes, it is true that some demonstrations of love and affection probably should be reserved for private venues but that includes demonstrations between heterosexuals as well. However, something as innocent as a kiss or holding of hands are reflections of love and beautiful regardless of the gender of those involved. Life can be difficult with many a rough edge, when you find love, embrace it, rejoice in it.
Despite all my “I can’t do it because…” I knew that I would do it and did not want to be without these kind, generous and supportive people. Upon arrival, we stayed with Michael and Cliff while looking for that first apartment. Within a week, I found a two bedroom just across the alley from their place. Since we didn’t know anyone else, we were introduced to many of their friends and went to numerous events right along with them. The weeks before the children and I could go were a nightmare and re-enforced the decision to move on. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Mid-town Sacramento is also known as Lavender Heights. It was and remains a hub of activity for the LGBT community. Always a champion for those who are are discriminated against, I joined the ranks of demonstrators and supporters. Despite my being straight, I was welcomed with open arms. It was true acceptance from the beginning. One of the first people I met there was a woman named Gayle Lang. She was a tiny but fierce advocate and a vital resource in the community, more than that, she symbolized its beating heart. She advocated not just for gay rights but women’s rights and a variety of other causes. A cause dear to her heart was a library which she was instrumental in establishing. She was determined to rectify the imbalance of literature and information about and for the LGBT community. Gayle died of cancer at a very early age. Yet she lives on at The Lavender Library which remains a vibrant resource for the community. Each year there are requests from students and researchers in the gay and non-gay community for information which is not attainable elsewhere. There is a staff and governing board that is dedicated to maintaining the vision that Gayle set in motion.
A few months after our arrival, I was able to commit myself to my studies. I entered the local community college to begin working on a degree. My background was one of abuse and low self esteem. Yet I also had a history of stepping in and volunteering when ever I could. There were also questions in my mind and the subject that stood out as the focus for my degree was psychology. When I had achieved sufficient units to transfer to the university, the old fears shook me to the core. Michael who had received his Master’s Degree at Sacramento State took me by the hand and gave me the tour of the campus. It was much larger than the community college. Michael’s Master’s Degree was in Theatre Arts and I received an exhaustive tour of the Theatre and associated buildings. There was also a nod to the Psychology building. In his defence it was rather closed off that day so not a lot to see.
During my undergraduate work I did some field studies which included serving as a case worker at the Sacramento AIDS Foundation. There were always more clients with needs than there were resources. The answer was to network among the community for support. By this time I had become familiar with some of the more prominent members. When a client was faced with having their utilities turned off, a walk over to a nearby gay club, chat with the owner and the bill was paid. I never once had to twist anyone’s arm. They never inquired if the client was gay or straight. Yes, there are and were many straight people with AIDS.
Being a single mom, my children accompanied me to demonstrations and other events. They also were happy to have their two ‘uncles’ who praised their accomplishments and listened to their problems. They witnessed the discrimination of people they cared about and learned a lot about love. Over the years there were frequently people, usually young, who had been disowned by their families for being gay. It was not uncommon for someone to show up at our house just looking for someone to talk to who was not afraid of a hug. Our financial resources were limited but I was an expert on stretching meals and there was always room at the table. Often they would join the children and I for a movie and just be happy to be part of the family. Of the many who crossed our doorstep, each one brought their own gifts. Those without a smile often had them before leaving.
Rich was the one who cut our hair from that first haircut soon after arriving and quickly became part of the family. He would come over and visit and watch Beauty and The Beast with my daughter and youngest son. During a particularly rough patch at our house, he showed up with two sacks of groceries and proceeded to make us dinner. That is family! There was a huge hole in our hearts when Rich died suddenly of a complication of AIDS. Rich was 28 years old. At his funeral, there were two sides. On one side was his mother, friends and my children and I. It was quickly obvious who was running the ‘show’. Rich’s father had a microphone and called from people who were sitting with him and turning away from the other side. He wanted testimony about Rich with no mention of who he really was after the age of five. Numerous people gave their tributes to Rich but it was so strange, it was obvious they didn’t have a clue who he was. As young as Tovah and her little brother Joseph were, they knew that those people were not speaking of the Rich we knew. During this whole time, not one person from the mother’s side of the room was invited to speak. It was clear that they wished we were not there at all. Regardless, we were there for Rich and his mom.
When I had received the call of Rich’s sudden passing, I was angry. My response was a poem. I had not planned to take it to the funeral but at the last minute grabbed it on my way out the door. While the testimonies roared, I shared the poem with two friends, David and Miki who had worked with Rich for several years. Our eyes spoke volumes and they nudged me a bit too far. Now I am quite the introvert and would rather face the root canal than get up and speak but I quietly walked up behind the last speaker and took the microphone from his hand. He was too surprised to respond. My heart was pumping fast but this was for Rich and for his mom. I have no doubt my hands were shaking as much as my knees but I read it as I had written it. There were no apologies for any language used and his mother was very touched. Now the children and I knew all too well why he never spoke of his father.
–
And I have to believe for now
You’re not that far away(Richard Bonilla 1966-1994)
Good Night Sweet Prince
–
Yes, it really hurts!
Yes, I’m angry
And a 28 year-old man
Is not suppose to die
To gasp for his last breath
Alone
Because the onset of P.C.P. (opportunistic infection of AIDS)
Was sudden
He said it was the flu
And he was gone
Before his mother got word
He was sick
Before she could return from Alaska
Before we could be there
He died
Alone
And I hurt
And my children hurt
And the black hole has tightened
Its grip on our lives
And I hate this fucking disease
That ravages the flesh of the young
Stealing their tomorrows
And our tomorrows with him
And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you
That last haircut was the best I ever had
And I’m angry
That you won’t be sitting next to me
When Joseph dances the nutcracker
And I’m angry there wasn’t more time
For more hugs
And there are always more things
We planned to say and do
And I’m angry that when I walk into your shop
Your not there
With your flick of the wrist “hi girl”
And your bear crunch hug
Your toothpaste grin
Your liquid black eyes
Full of laughter and tears
And I’m sad
And my tears are for you
And for us
And I’m grateful
For the three years we had
For the hours you played with the kids
Praising their triumphs
Accepting their shortcomings, and mine
You always saw the best in them
And when their father rejected them again
And when I was down
You left work early, shopped
And cooked a chicken dinner with all the trimmings
(Forgetting I’m a vegetarian)
And I thank you for nurturing the bitch
With bottles of red dye
Coaxing her out of me and into the open
And I am grateful
You were part of our family
For such a short time
I was proud to say I love you
And I’m just so fucking scared
Of how we all will miss you
And the world has grown so much colder
But the stars are brighter now
–
As Rich’s father and his friends parted, the rest of us gathered outside. We hugged each other, released balloons, sang Somewhere Over The Rainbow and the sun shown upon us.
Like many parents of LGBT children, I was not surprised when my daughter decided to ‘come out’. A few of us had known for some time and knew she would when she was ready. I was grateful to all of these wonderful people for making it safe for her to do so. “Coming Out” in such a vitriolic society, sharply barbed tongues and ignorance abound and I was unsure of my own ability to buffer the blows. I’ve seen a number of these beautiful young people succumb to the intolerance and judgment that surrounds them. I shall be ever grateful to the dear people who helped surround my daughter with a safe and accepting environment in which she could discover herself. Being gay is no different than the beautiful brown eyes that smile so brilliantly and can coax a grin out of most anyone.
Our lives are punctuated by what is often called “Rights of Passage”. That first driver’s license, the prom, a Sweet-Sixteen, graduations, weddings and so many other ‘Firsts’. Tovah wanted a party and that is exactly what we had. A Coming Out Party was the order of the day. Someone cut a huge rainbow shape out of wood and hung it over our front door after painting it to resemble a rainbow. Michael brought two large canvases, paint and brushes. On one canvas he had painted The Emerald City with a fairy flying above. Guests were encouraged to paint something for Tovah and many did. In the background were playing both the film and the soundtrack from The Wizard of Oz. There were members of the community, friends. My older son, the big jock, invited all his good friends from school and from his baseball team. It was beautiful to see them come to support Tovah. What was missing that day were three beautiful people, Gayle, Cliff and Rich who were stolen from this life way too soon. Gayle knew early and actually gave Tovah her first leather jacket. Tovah was eight years old and Gayle had cut down an old jacket of hers to fit Tovah. I didn’t have the heart to tell Gayle how quickly Tovah grew out of it.
While a parent can not always protect their children, we must give them our unconditional love and support. We cannot decide who or what they will be. That is their job. They must ‘try it on’ see what fits them and not try to copy who we are or who we pretend to be. Our job is to accept, respect and celebrate who they are with them. For some parents, it is uncharted territory. Give your kids a chance, open your heart and your mind and enjoy all that awaits you.
A few years before Tovah made her declaration, I had been thinking about what this would mean for her and her life. In such a situation I try to put myself in the other person’s place. What would it be like? For me, writing, especially poetry, has been a way of processing things and the following poem was the result. It may not reflect what the experience is truly like, but as I said, I could only imagine.
–
…in a woman’s arms (for Tovah in her first relationship)
–
…in a woman’s arms
there is softness
and I fall
into the silky
embrace
and it is new
and different
uncharted
yet
intoxicating
in its hazy familiarity
I trace the
Topography
Of curves
And flesh
I plunge deep
Inside her caverns
Her salty sweetness
Beckons me
Deeper
She quivers
And the rumblings
Echo throughout me
Fanning flames deep inside
So unfamiliar
So new
Caution yielding
Heat rising
Her voice
Deepens
Catches
She moans
We embrace
I am finding
Myself
… in a woman’s arms
–
Today my daughter has been in a relationship for the past eight years. She and Ashley live near Ashley’s family and Tovah cares for Ashley’s two nephews and niece. The children adore her. They are at all the boys sports events and while the niece is still very young, no doubt Tovah and Ashley will be there for her interests as well. They continue the commitment to animal rescue that Tovah has been dedicated to since she was twelve years old. My daughter is a beautiful young woman. She is kind, gentle with a bubbly personality and her eyes sparkle with laughter. Yes, she is a Lesbian. She is also an author, a reader, a woman devoted to those she loves and so much more.
She recently had her first book published and is currently busy with the second. I am proud of my daughter and of the wonderful people who have become our family and friends. They have enriched our lives beyond measure. I shall always remain grateful for these stellar role models who reached out to my children and myself. To those who are so filled with hatred and ignorance, I am sad for you. You are missing out on knowing some amazing people, people of all ages and walks of life who are filled with love and just want to be accepted for who they are. They threaten nobody. Can you say that?
Bisous,
Léa
If you are ever short of inspiration, I recommend a visit to Creative Bursts for a Writing challenge: One morning, your mirror starts talking to you. Write about this. – Sandy Ackers at CREATIVE BURSTS: sandy@sandyackers.com
*
“It is not what you look at that matters, it is what you see.” -Henry David Thoreau
–
MIRROR MIRROR
*
like the acidic womb
you were delivered from
i’ve reiterated all your flaws
humiliation feeding your soul
fuelling your tears
shattering your heart
*
no conscience bothered me
so use to reflecting the environment
deceptively, i reflect light
while in truth, shallow, cold, judgemental
shaming that tiny red face
quivering chin
eyes twin faucets of tears
no beauty, no value here
*
believing my lies
you sank deeper, inward
hanging your head
turning from my glare, unaware
lies, judgement come from ignorance
my own blindness unquestioned
you looked for others in pain
focusing on their wounds
helping them heal
*
you have learned
to look deeper
reading eyes and hearts
of others
as i could never do
finding beauty that escapes me
learning to see it in yourself
confident a mirror cannot be
believed on face value
*
bisous,
léa
“Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. I do not add ‘within the law’ because law is often but the tyrant’s will and always so when it violates the rights of individuals.” – Thomas Jefferson
“Virtue has a veil, vice a mask.” – Victor Hugo
“I say I am stronger than fear.” – Malala Yousafzai
–
fear is not an option
le journal
the internet
telematin
France 24
the word floods
all forms of media
as the body count
rises in Paris
islamic states of hate
(i refuse to capitalize hatred)
declared war on France
–
i set down the paper
address my laptop
john lennon’s haunting strains
filling my head
nous ne nous rendrons pas
our media is not stuck in
shock and awe mode
nous sommes unis
on with life
Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité
–
unlike terrorist
skulking about the city
hiding behind masks,
headcoverings, disguises
nous ne nous cachons pas
we take to the streets
le café
le theatré
all life is calling
VIVA LA PARIS
et
VIVA LA FRANCE
bisous,
léa
“Never argue with a fool. Onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.” – Mark Twain
*
Tempest Tamer
Twain said it – I believe it
Experience as a therapist
Proves it over and over
Again
And again in the bar
The party of elite
Voices rising takes me
Back
In graduate school
Stressing the importance
Conflict resolution
The angriest client speaks
First
Survival skills honed in
Infancy – an excellent listener
Often called on to diffuse the
Tempest
There was one storm
Where failure was
Abysmal – one does not choose
Parents
*
Bisous,
Léa
“It’s not just a question of conquering a summit previously unknown, but of tracing, step by step, a new pathway to it.” – Gustav Mahler
“Keep close to Nature’s heart… and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.” – John Muir
Thigh-high
I was thigh-high in
Brambles
Claude, monsieur Aristead et moi
Climbing mount Saint Pierre
The sun beat down on us
Le ciel jamais plus bleu
Thorns scratched at me
Tearing my shirt
And flesh
Till blood trickled
Down my arms
Warm, sticky – yet
Feeling no pain
Still higher we climbed
Un trône de pierre
We have reached its
Crown – our reward
Villeseque et Durban
Tranquility beneath our feet
Intoxicated – together we
Revel in the sunshine
Reluctantly – mais ensemble
We begin our descent
*
Bisous,
Léa
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